In real life

I knew that this would happen at some point. Remember this one from June?

So I walk into work last week, and one of my coworkers is wearing it. I am so not lying. I didn't even make it over to my own desk before I just about hit the floor with laughter. He says he bought it for $4 in Lincoln. I've blacked out his face because, despite having a strange fashion sense, he's an incredibly nice guy and was enough of a good sport to let me take his picture. Also, he thinks it's funny when I call him "Captain Tightpants."

As you can see, my coworker is demonstrating the correct way to wear this shirt: with jeans, sleeves rolled up, and unbuttoned to the third button. Take note, men, next time you find yourself considering something similar at Marden's.

Fake Captain of a Fake Ship

This reminds me of when I was four or five, and my neighbor at camp used to let me and my brother wear a captain's hat and "drive" his boat on the lake. As an adult, the only instances in which one could wear this jacket would be either ironically or if he/she were trapped in Mr. Rogers Land of Make-Believe. First of all, the insignia reads, "VIP Person." That's as redundant as using your "PIN number" at the "ATM machine." And then it lists a bunch of random letters as the acronym for what's surely a nonexistent nautical organization: AFSCME. I googled it and came up with The American Association of State, County, and Municipal Employees, and that can't be right. A Fake Sea Captain of Marine Equipment? Hmm.